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Hey new moms: I got a “babymoon” for ya.
You know people keep talking about these damn “babymoons,” and once again I find myself shaking my head. Setting aside my disdain for the term itself (on account of its excessive cuteness), I just...
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I’ve summarized (in 2 sentences or less) every Mother’s Day post ever written...
Do you ever get tired of reading the same damn thing every “holiday?” Yeah, neither do I. I enjoy it. In fact, I enjoy it so much I’ve taken time out of my “busy mommy life(!)” (I just gagged) to read...
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The No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship Manifesto
I think mothers need a no-bullshit friendship manifesto. That way, we can go into new relationships knowing we’re in agreement on a few critical factors, thereby avoiding the awkward situation in which...
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37 reasons I’m having trouble “embracing the moment”
Sometimes I complain about motherhood. Shocking, I know. And every time I do, somebody somewhere somehow gives me the same sage advice: Enjoy it before it’s over. Live in the now. Soak it up. EMBRACE...
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People who can’t read sarcasm are the antichrist
Did you see what I did there? I used sarcasm to explain how annoying it is when people can’t read sarcasm. (Actually it was hyperbole but if I say “hyperbole” my joke won’t work and it’s humor above...
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Breaking news: Don’t be a dick in restaurants
By now you’ve heard of the restaurant owner in Maine who yelled at some toddler who allegedly screamed for 40 minutes at a table. I don’t want to talk about that. It’s boring. We have no idea what...
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A troll’s guide to the internet
The trolls of the internet got together (in my head) and wrote a helpful handy guide. If you are unclear what a “troll” is, I give you this definition: The most annoying commenters in the world;...
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How to raise an excellent toddler
Arlo will be two in June. We have entered full-blown toddlerhood. Luckily, he’s my fourth child so I know lots and lots of helpful things about toddler discipline and entertainment and excellence in...
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How to get mom-famous on Instagram
In this post, I’m going to share with you everything you need to know to get famous on Instagram as a mother. What? What’s that you say? I’m not famous on Instagram therefore what the fuck do I know?...
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15 Reasons I Need Plastic Panels in my Mom Jeans
I will admit, at first I was unsure how I needed “slick plastic panels” to “bare my knees for a futuristic feel” in my “mom jeans,” but now that Nordstrom has mentioned it, I’m discovering the ways my...
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